Hysterical Heights Hospital Episode 13: "The Melodious Malady"
INT. HYSTERICAL HEIGHTS MEDICAL CENTER - DAY
[Theme music plays, accompanied by a montage of various hospital scenes featuring the hospital staff in silly situations, all ending with the same patient, MR. MORTIMER, dying in a new, absurd way each time.]
EPISODE 13: "The Melodious Malady"
[DR. FUMBLE enters MR. MORTIMER's hospital room, tripping over a stray music sheet as he crosses the threshold. MR. MORTIMER lies in bed, clutching his throat, and humming uncontrollably.]
DR. FUMBLE (crashing into the room) Mortimer! Back so soon? What's the note on your condition this time?
MR. MORTIMER (humming) Doc, I can't stop humming! I went to a karaoke bar last night, and now, I can't control myself!
NURSE NUTTY enters the room, wearing a pair of oversized headphones and carrying a tuning fork.
NURSE NUTTY (concerned) Dr. Fumble, we have to help Mortimer before his uncontrollable humming turns into a full-blown case of Melodious Malady!
DR. FUMBLE (puzzled) But how do we silence the music within him?
NURSE NUTTY (striking the tuning fork) I have an idea! We'll use the power of vibrations to cancel out his humming!
[NURSE NUTTY strikes the tuning fork repeatedly, placing it near MR. MORTIMER's throat. His humming seems to diminish, but suddenly, his entire body starts to vibrate.]
MR. MORTIMER (vibrating) Doc! I'm...shaking...like...a...maraca!
DR. FUMBLE (worried) Oh no! Mortimer, we need to stabilize you before you shake yourself to pieces!
NURSE NUTTY (looking around) Wait! I've got just the thing!
[NURSE NUTTY grabs a nearby metronome and sets it to a steady tempo. She places it in front of MR. MORTIMER, who begins to vibrate in sync with the metronome.]
MR. MORTIMER (still vibrating) It's... working... Doc...
[Just as MR. MORTIMER's vibrations start to subside, a rogue drumstick flies through the open window and lands directly in his throat, causing him to choke.]
NURSE NUTTY (horrified) Oh no! Mortimer!
DR. FUMBLE (panicking) Mortimer, hold on! We'll save you!
[NURSE NUTTY and DR. FUMBLE attempt the Heimlich maneuver, but it's too late. MR. MORTIMER dies, his humming silenced forever.]
DR. FUMBLE (tearfully) Mortimer...we've lost you again.
NURSE NUTTY (sadly) At least his final moments were in tune.
[The camera pans out as the hospital staff gather in the room, mourning MR. MORTIMER's death, while "Unchained Melody" by The Righteous Brothers plays softly in the background.]
FADE OUT.