Hysterical Heights Hospital Episode 11: "A Sneeze to Remember"
INT. HYSTERICAL HEIGHTS MEDICAL CENTER - DAY
[Theme music plays, accompanied by a montage of various hospital scenes featuring the hospital staff in silly situations, all ending with the same patient, MR. MORTIMER, dying in a new, absurd way each time.]
EPISODE 11: "A Sneeze to Remember"
[DR. FUMBLE, still as clumsy as ever, rushes into MR. MORTIMER's hospital room, stepping on a whoopee cushion placed by the mischievous NURSE NUTTY.]
DR. FUMBLE
(frustrated)
Mortimer! You've returned! What ailment plagues you now?
MR. MORTIMER
(sniffling)
Doctor, I can't stop sneezing! It's like an explosion in my nose, and each one is bigger than the last!
NURSE NUTTY, who has been inflating a latex glove like a balloon, enters the room with a grin, only to be startled by one of MR. MORTIMER's powerful sneezes.
NURSE NUTTY
(startled)
Gesundheit! That sneeze nearly blew my socks off!
DR. FUMBLE
(concerned)
This is no ordinary sneeze, Nurse Nutty. It's... the legendary Sneeze-pocalypse!
NURSE NUTTY
(shocked)
The Sneeze-pocalypse? But I thought that was just a myth!
DR. FUMBLE
(determined)
Myth or not, we need to stop it before the entire hospital is blown away! We'll need an industrial-strength nasal spray and 100 boxes of tissues, pronto!
[NURSE NUTTY runs out of the room, tripping over her own shoelaces, and returns moments later with the requested supplies. DR. FUMBLE prepares to administer the nasal spray to MR. MORTIMER.]
DR. FUMBLE
(bracing himself)
On the count of three, Mortimer! One... two... three!
[MR. MORTIMER sneezes just as DR. FUMBLE administers the nasal spray, sending the doctor flying across the room and crashing into a wall. The force of the sneeze sends tissues flying everywhere, creating a snowstorm of tissues.]
NURSE NUTTY
(laughing)
It's a winter wonderland, Dr. Fumble!
DR. FUMBLE
(exasperated)
This is no time for jokes, Nurse Nutty! We must find a way to suppress the Sneeze-pocalypse!
NURSE NUTTY
(thinking)
What if we try... a giant nose plug?
[DR. FUMBLE and NURSE NUTTY quickly fashion a giant nose plug from a nearby pool noodle and stuff it into MR. MORTIMER's nostrils. His sneezing stops immediately.]
MR. MORTIMER
(relieved)
Thank you, Doctor! I can finally breathe easy... or not at all, actually.
[Just as everyone celebrates, MR. MORTIMER's face turns red, and he begins to inflate like a balloon from the air pressure caused by the nose plug.]
DR. FUMBLE
(panicking)
The plug! It's too effective! Quick, Nurse Nutty, remove it!
[NURSE NUTTY yanks the nose plug out just in time, causing MR. MORTIMER to deflate rapidly, bouncing around the room like a deflating balloon. Unfortunately, he crashes into a medical cart and is impaled by a stray syringe, meeting his untimely end once again.]
DR. FUMBLE (tearfully) Mortimer... we stopped the Sneeze-pocalypse, but we couldn't save you.
NURSE NUTTY (sadly) He went out with a bang... or a sneeze, rather.
[The camera pans out as the hospital staff gather in the room, mourning MR. MORTIMER's death, while "Blowin' in the Wind" by Bob Dylan plays softly in the background.]
FADE OUT.